Sunday, 29 August 2010

All Over the Place

Good Morning Fudgey Friends,

It's an early morning post from me and saddle up it could be a long one! I've been awake since 3am and got up at 4, my head is all over the place, there is just so much going on....mostly good though, but the last few weeks & days have seen me through a roller coaster of stress, anticipation, excitement, frustration and more excitement. It's no wonder I am choked with the cold.
I'm kind of hoping that getting everything out of my head and onto a post might help a little. I sometimes wish we could plug in a USB to download stuff out of our heads when it gets too busy in there :-)

So where to start?

Moving On - Work
As many of you will know I moved to a new role in March. It's certainly what I needed and ticks all the boxes in terms of challenging. I work with a really great team and my new boss is almost as amazing as my last one! I have to admit though to suffering loss of confidence in my abilities and fear of messing up. I suppose that's only natural in any new role, I confess though to being a control freak and I know I am really hard on myself - I don't expect to be the best but I want to be my best. I have had some positive comments from a number of people in the last week so I guess I should just keep on doing what I'm doing and learning as I go. I don't think the way I've been feeling has been helped by everything else going on either,

Moving On - Home
I've lived in my wee flat for just over 12 years. I was quite happy here up until last year, it's not the best area but it's definitely not the worst and 12 years ago when I bought it, it got me on the property ladder and was my first own home. I didn't have a lot of money and I never really did much in the way of home improvement when I was on my own. The plan was always to put the flat on the market and move to a slightly bigger and nicer house with Mr Fudgey, but it was very clear that the place badly needed some care & attention
Mr Fudgey & I, with a tremendous amount of help from Mum & Dad Smith spent the first half of last year decorating and revamping the entire place. Mr Fudgey & I then decided that we would reap the benefits and everyone's hard work by staying put in the short term and with the wedding in August felt that trying to sell the flat as well would be too stressful.
Mr Fudgey moved in and we were looking forward to the wedding, when we had a falling out with one of our neighbours who also happened to have been friends of mine pretty much the whole time I'd lived here. In fact she was meant to be my bridesmaid and her husband and son should also have been at the wedding. The falling out happened about 4 weeks before the wedding and was awful. A year on I'm no longer angry or have any bad feeling, with hindsight maybe I could have handled things differently and I'm not proud of my part in the falling out - but in the big scheme of things it really wasn't worth the hassle it caused. Mr Fudgey and I wanted to remain grown up and civil about things which we have been, and other than my closest friends and family I have never discussed what happened but I think it's fair to say that hasn't been the case from the other side and I have heard with my own ears terrible untrue things said about me & Mr Fudgey. One thing I have heard that they've said to at least 2 different people is that we are telling people we are at war with them - this is complete BS we just want a quiet life and have gone out of our way the last year to avoid any nastiness. The last year hasn't been fun, we've felt like prisoners in our own home at times and perhaps I am paranoid but it seems to me that they go out of their way to make as much noise as possible passing our door as they know we will not react. FFS This is a communal block and other people live here too - so the noise doesn't just affect us - yet I suspect no one else says anything either.
I'm not saying that we are 100% innocent in the falling out, nor am I assigning blame to anyone else - we all played a part, as I said a year on I'm no longer angry or even upset - though it does make me sad that things are the way they are.
This isn't something I've mentioned in my blog before and when I write my blog I'm try to be considerate of others and non judgemental - even though sometimes I want to just rant & be 100% honest about my feelings. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I just believe it's just that your's & you shouldn't force it on anyone else and certainly not if in voicing that opinion you hurt someone. There's a fine line between tactfulness and honesty and I'm not perfect but I try my best to be a decent person.
Anyway that was really a taste of the background of things, we would have always put the flat on the market anyway, but the uncomfortable, dare I say occasionally hostile environment certainly made us take proactive action. So at the start of June we put the flat on the market & I'm so excited to tell you we had an offer which we have accepted. We have been to the bank and building society and have arranged our finances so now we are looking for our new home. Exciting times.

Weight Loss & Diet
I was over the moon to get into the Scottish Slimmers Slimmer of the Year 2010 Semi Final. I can't believe that not only did I lose the weight but that I've kept it off for 11 months now and just how much difference it has made to my life. I should hear in a couple of weeks if I got through to the final - that would be a dream come true - but all the semi finalists were amazing.
I have to confess that my diet hasn't been as good as it should be over the last few weeks, but I am more than aware of where I need to be stricter and plan to get back on track as soon as possible - I'll be re initiating the food diary and taking on board some of JAG's wisdom about eating when hungry.

As I've not been feeling well for the last week, I've been taking it fairly easy.I was back to work on Wednesday but didn't go to Circuits class as I had too much work on to be able to afford even a slightly extended lunch, also during my lunch break I was trying to arrange viewings of houses etc. I had a PT session on Thursday and the legs were really feeling it on Friday. Week 9 Run 2 - I did manage to squeeze in a 30 minute run on Friday before Fantastic Mr Fudgey took me for dinner. Unfortunately a cold sneaked up on me out of no where on Friday evening and I've been feeling pants since. Friday night I was very wheezy & couldn't get to sleep so lay propped up on the sofa till I dozed off about 1. I woke up and went to bed at 2 but was awake again at 5 I'd actually been dreaming about a work issue and had a flash of inspiration so at 6 when I was still awake I got up and brain dumped into an email to my I'm not in next week.
In the afternoon I went for a lie down & slept for about 3 & a half hours - while my wonderful hubby tidied up and did some shopping. Then last night I went to bed about half ten but have been awake since 3 this morning. I should be out running at least 2 hours this morning and I must be feeling better as I want to - however this is probably not a bright idea. I think I'll rest up again today and get plenty of fluids in and maybe I can run tomorrow morning. I guess I am mildly panicking a little about the Glasgow half next Sunday but better I have the cold this weekend than the moment I could still make next Sunday though a PB looks this space.

If you're still resding - congratulations on getting to the end of this post. I do actually feel better for splurging just some of the things going round in my head - it's clear to see why I'm a bit all over the place at the moment.

I will be back later with a shorter post with photos of the banana loaf I made yesterday & our anniversary cake.

If anyone has any words of wisdom on how to kill this cold please let me know. I'm on lemsip day & night capsules and throat lozenges but think I need something stronger.

Have a great Sunday everyone, and especially hello to my new followers :-)

Fudgey xxx


  1. wow, sounds like you have been through the wringer. Congratulations on selling the flat - I can't imagine how stressful that must have been for you to live so close to someone you had a serious falling out with and constantly be confronted with that person. No matter how or why it happened it is painful. I had a falling out with someone two years ago and it was very hard for me to see her at school (her son was in my son's class). It is such a relief now that they have both moved on to different secondary schools and I haven't seen her in a long time, which is a huge relief. You don't realize how stressed and fearful (I was actually physically afraid of her) you are until the stress suddenly lets up. Good luck finding a new, cozy and nurturing place to live - I know you will feel a lot better to have a bit of distance from those people.

  2. Thanks Amy.
    It's so good to hear that others can relate to what we've been going through. House hunting going well....fingers crossed x