Well yet another week has passed & I haven't managed to blog - there's a number of reasons for that mostly just due to lack of time but also because I'm feeling a bit down.
Being honest... I like my posts to be upbeat and inspiring and would prefer to say nothing if I have nothing positive to say. I also don't want anyone reading my blog to start worrying about me unnecessarily - sometimes things don't come across quite right in black & white - really I'm fine & you know me I'll bounce back. I just take too much on & worry too much - especially about things that I can't change or control. I always try to be considerate to the readers of my blog and quite often don't say things I want to, as I know they may offend or worry some folk. But I thought today it was time to be a bit more open and honest about how I'm feeling. It's no one big thing that's bothering me - it's a sum of lots of different things and most I can't blog about as they are not my issues directly & it's not fair for me to comment on other people's situations / problems etc. There is a lot going on both with family & friends - in terms of physical, mental and emotional health & wellbeing and relationships which is causing upset and stress for lots of people - I just wish there was more I could do, but it's so hard especially when sometimes people shut you out and lash out at you for no apparent reason and you know that they need you but they won't admit it or you just can't be there for whatever reason. I feel guilty as I feel like I have no time to catch up with those who do matter & I have a long list of people I want to call, email and invite round to the new house - but what little free time Mr Fudgey & I have is so precious we don't want to be constantly booking it up. Work is still a huge challenge and I find myself lacking in confidence nearly every day. None of this is helped by poor quality sleep and bad dreams. Last night I dreamt about someone being murdered - not nice and not the first time this week either. I've got 4 months of running magazines unopened and I'm not blogging, or following the blogs I usually do - the last couple of weeks I have been training hard and that is my me time - it keeps me sane but even that is feeling a little like a chore at the moment and I'm having to really force myself. I guess that the change of job, the house move and everything else going on round about it is just catching up with me & being a control freak (yes I admit it) I hate the fact that a lot of stuff happening is completely out of my control.
So there you go it's out there now I'm a bit down. I'm hoping putting some of this in writing will be enough to unburden it a little.
I know I'm not alone in feeling this way at the moment - I think a lot of people have January blues and I also know how very very fortunate I am to have wonderful friends and family who will kick me up the bum if I wallow too much.
On a more positive note.... I finally drew up a Marathon training plan - 17 weeks today and I have ordered supplies of sports gels etc. So the plan proper starts tomorrow. I never ran today I just really didn't feel up to it - and I was probably right as there is not a lot of let up now till after the Marathon. This week I've ran 4 times and had a PT session and been to circuits class. Yesterday I made Sweet Potato Curry for dinner on Tuesday & Oriental Honey Pork for dinner today & today I have made Thai Green curry soup for tomorrow's dinner so I'm quite organised. I think now I might just go and sort tomorrow's lunches and gym kit and then maybe treat myself to a bubble bath.